What was going through your mind when you heard that Edward had run into the burning building?
What else is new?
Is that really all you thought?
Pretty much. It’s not like it was all that uncommon for him to do. Edward usually is the first one in and last one out, so it wasn’t surprising.
At what point did you realize that he was really in trouble, and what went through you mind?
When he wasn’t answering the radio calls. That was the first time that had ever happened on scene, and the only thing that went through my head was “What the hell is he doing in there?” We’re trained that when we know a structure isn’t safe to be inside anymore, we get the hell out...and he wasn’t coming back out. By the time we heard his voice crackle back through the damn radio, all hell was breaking loose.
The entire first floor and half of the second was engulfed in flames and we were fighting just to clear a way into the building. The relief of hearing his voice at that moment, did nothing to calm anyone on scene because if we couldn’t get in, he couldn’t get out.
We’ve heard a lot about your marriage from Alice’s point of view, but could you tell us where you’re at in terms of your relationship with her?
I really don’t know what to make of it anymore. I love her and I don’t want to lose her, but sometimes I just feel like I don’t even know her anymore. She used to be fun and outgoing and then all of a sudden everything started changing. I used to only go out when she was with me, but then she started saying she was too tired, or she had work or school in the morning, etc. At first, it wasn’t a big deal, but then it was like she never wanted to go out. At all. So we started fighting about that. And then we started fighting about the money I spend when I did go out, which led into more fights about us never doing anything together anymore. Somewhere in the middle of constantly fighting about those two things, other shit started being added into the mix.
She wanted to buy a house, but we couldn’t because I was spending too much money hanging out with the guys. She wanted to start a family, but we couldn’t for too many reasons I can’t even count. Money, conflicting schedules, lack of living space, the fact that I’d rather hang out with my friends than spend time with her (which was complete bullshit by the way, she just never wanted to go anywhere and I hate staying home and doing nothing), etc., etc.
Despite the fact that we’ve been in the shits for over two years now, fighting damn near every day we manage to both not be working, I still love her. It might take us a while to bounce back, but I’m hoping we’ll pull through it.
Since you quit your job with the department, what are you planning to do now? Are you planning to go back to school for another career or use your training as a fireman and put it towards fire investigation?
I don’t have the slightest clue what I’m going to do. I might go back to school. I might just try to find a different job. I don’t really know. The only thing I’m sure of, is it won’t be anything fire or emergency service related.
If you could do one thing differently to change the situation your now in, what would it be?
I would have never joined the department. I may have had a dead end job before, but at least Alice and I were happy. Now I have no job...and, well...yeah. You already know what state my marriage is in.