When you told Edward that you were in love with him, was it just because you and Jasper were having problems, or do you still feel that way?
When I told him I was in love with him, I was confused. My marriage was falling apart, I felt lonely, hurt, and unloved. Jasper and I were constantly fighting, and in my emotional state, I tried to cling to something that wasn’t really there. It’s hard living with someone who you love so much but can’t seem to do anything but fight with because they’re always letting you down, and then have a best friend who never lets you down. Edward is stable, responsible, reliable...affectionate. Having Edward as that best friend, having him always there in any way I needed him, for things I should have been able to turn to my husband for, it made me think I was feeling something I truly wasn’t.
The bottom line is, I love Edward with all of my heart. I really do, and I always will. But not in the way I had thought.
Were you surprised when you found out that Jasper had quit the department? Do you support his decision or has it added to your marital woes?
No, I wasn’t surprised by it at all, and I support his decision entirely. I’ve known from the very beginning that joining the department wasn’t something he really wanted to do. I tried to encourage him to figure out what it was that he did want, but with the added pressure his father was putting on him to start a real career after we announced our engagement, he felt he had no other choice but to join the academy. His quitting the department hasn’t damaged our marriage any more than it already is, but it hasn’t fixed anything either.
When you’re working and a call comes in that a firefighter’s been injured and on the way, do you constantly find yourself worrying that somebody from the family?
Every. Damn. Time.
There’s this moment, every time I hear either a dispatcher or a medic’s voice coming through the radio, and I’m not really listening to it because it happens hundreds of times a day, but the moment the word firefighter comes through the static-y transmission, it’s like every cell in my body just freezes. The only thing that stops me from grabbing the receiver and demanding to know the name of the firefighter they’re bringing in, is that I’d probably lose my damn job. I’ve been warned once before...it wasn’t pretty.